Clamp in Forumland

Would you like to react to this message? Create an account in a few clicks or log in to continue.
Clamp in Forumland

Welcome to Clamp discussion forum

Log in

I forgot my password

You can decide! Do you want to move to vBulltin? [update: 21st April]

Tue 14 Apr 2009, 11:58 by Shaolan

This Poll will find its end at the 1st May. Until that day you have time to vote or to edit your vote.

For the newest update (17th April) please go to the bottom of the page. it is written with …

Happy Easter! From all the Staff at Clamp In Forumland!!!

Mon 13 Apr 2009, 01:31 by Seishirou

Happy Easter everyone! Hope you have a lot of chocolate over there!!! ^^

No matter your religion, we hope the love rise inside your heart and get todether everyone today!!



Best wishes!!!



Latest topics

» Four Elements RP
The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 EmptySat 23 May 2009, 14:30 by Saikua

» Kingdom of orphans
The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 EmptySat 23 May 2009, 14:29 by Kirei Ryuusei

» Vanapia Hanto: Kawari Unmei
The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 EmptySat 23 May 2009, 14:27 by Saikua

» The Prince Detective
The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 EmptySat 23 May 2009, 14:26 by Kirei Ryuusei

» xxxholic chapter 182
The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 EmptySat 23 May 2009, 13:55 by Seishirou

» One million pages thread!!
The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 EmptySat 23 May 2009, 13:37 by Kyoki

» Rate that Character
The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 EmptySat 23 May 2009, 13:36 by Kyoki

» Give the person above you a nickname
The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 EmptySat 23 May 2009, 13:36 by Kyoki

» Watcha doing?
The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 EmptySat 23 May 2009, 13:35 by Kyoki

» Banned game!
The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 EmptySat 23 May 2009, 13:34 by Kyoki

» Horitsuba Gakuen
The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 EmptySat 23 May 2009, 13:17 by Kirei Ryuusei

» Science and Life
The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 EmptySat 23 May 2009, 12:46 by Jinx Rose Death

Poll

Who is your fave of the seven seals? (And others)
The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Bar_left41%The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Bar_right 41% [ 46 ]
The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Bar_left41%The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Bar_right 41% [ 45 ]
The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Bar_left5%The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Bar_right 5% [ 5 ]
The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Bar_left3%The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Bar_right 3% [ 3 ]
The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Bar_left5%The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Bar_right 5% [ 6 ]
The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Bar_left0%The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Bar_right 0% [ 0 ]
The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Bar_left2%The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Bar_right 2% [ 2 ]
The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Bar_left4%The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Bar_right 4% [ 4 ]

Total Votes : 111

Keywords

1999  

RSS feeds


Yahoo! 
MSN 
AOL 
Netvibes 
Bloglines 

+4
Kyoki
Invisible_Writer
Lightbulb621
Smile_For_Me
8 posters

    The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!!

    Kyoki
    Kyoki


    Gender : Female
    Sagittarius Buffalo
    Posts : 8767
    Birthday : 1985-12-02
    Age : 38
    Job/hobbies : watching anime, reading manga, playing video games
    Humor : Eh?
    Gold Member :
    The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934a5426a4_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934156e676_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934adb18e6_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 4929348528fe4_f
    Mood : The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 In_love
    Reputation : 3
    Points : 7018
    Registration date : 2008-11-11

    The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Empty Re: The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!!

    Post by Kyoki Thu 02 Apr 2009, 16:36

    Ah, I see. It's still an awesome story! You write very well. ^-^V
    Smile_For_Me
    Smile_For_Me


    Gender : Female
    Leo Cat
    Posts : 321
    Birthday : 1987-07-23
    Age : 37
    Job/hobbies : Teacher
    Humor : Anything
    Bronze Member :
    The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934adb18e6_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 4929348528fe4_f
    Mood : The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Happy
    Reputation : 2
    Points : 5961
    Registration date : 2008-11-06

    The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Empty Re: The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!!

    Post by Smile_For_Me Thu 02 Apr 2009, 17:38

    Everyone wrote good stories, here are my thought. I will get three others to read these. One is Saikua, another two is a teacher, and another one is my sister. (These two know nothing of this site so...)

    "For Kyoki"
    (OMG THAT WAS SO CUTE. You my dear friend Kyoki, have the writing knack for love stories. This is a rather good story, you kept it in 1st person rather well. It brought a smile to my face, and I could possible see this as a short story series. On for each of your characters…LOL. Allen, His older sister, his younger brother, Genki and Shizuka, could have their own short stories. That is if you want. (In truth, I just want to see the older sisters side of the story, and how she torments Yukiko on not telling where Allen is.) But since this is a short story contest, and not a full length novel, its ok.

    Now for the nit picking. You like to drag your sentences on, as well as repeat some of them. ( I only found one or two, so nothing to worry about.) Spelling is forgiven, as we all make mistakes. (That’s why we have spell check and the “delete” button…LOL) The story was also hard to grab on at first, but I got into it after the story moved on with the plot. You need to work more on changing scenes(Past to present, Present to past), but I did notice that that got better as the story moved on.


    Thank You for Participating in the contest

    Keep up the good work, and I hope you will keep on writing. You do have a talent, but like all talents, you have to work at it. As I have noticed from the start to the end.


    "For Reflection"

    (Reflection, that was a very visual and psychology challenging story. I say the visual, because I can see the details that you have in your story, come to mind, I somewhat even picture it. For the psychological, you center on the one main character Damian. You look at his ups and downs, his caged feelings, his longings and wants. As the story moved on, I felt what Damian felt. That, and your visual writing, is a rarity. Also, your in 1st person view, and has more of a realistic setting. Like this story could have happened in real life.

    Over all, I see you as, and I have said it before, a Visual Writer. I recommend that you take this short story and get it published. I’m not saying that it will make you lots of money, but it will open doors for you, as if will gets someone’s interest.

    Now for nit picking. The only thing I caught, was you dragging your sentencing out a bit longer then needed. A period would just work fine at some scenes, but other then that, nothing needs to be altered.

    Thank you for joining the contest.

    I can see a good future for if you take that first step into getting your stories published.

    "For Subaru"

    (Wow Subaru. Your writing style is rather dark, you seem like a moody writer, but you have a bitter sweet ending to it. Your write in 3rd person view, and your style is that of fantasy in death. Where a person’s dream come real, after they have passed on. For this story, left my heart rather sad, but also happy for the ending. This love story is a love so strong, not even death could break it. I see you as a writer who like to write about Romance stories that are doomed later on, but in the end find happiness.

    I loved the little poem/song insert in the story, and the visuals you used as well. The emotions that go along with it. Daniel and the girl once had a happy life, but present was cruel to them, so the past of yesterday happiness was their escape.

    Nit picking time. You dragged on a bit with area’s that needed periods. If it had those, I think the story may have flowed on a bit better. You had a few spelling errors, but that not the end of the world. Your story is a little jumpy, but then again, that is also the flow of the story line, as the girl thinks of her past.

    Thank you for joining the fun,

    Try writing a story where characters talk more, and make at least one story with something happy in it, (but I do consider this story to be happy,) The more you write, the better you get, the more your story comes to life.
    Hokuto-chan
    Hokuto-chan


    Gender : Female
    Virgo Rooster
    Posts : 16501
    Birthday : 1993-09-19
    Age : 31
    Job/hobbies : writing, reading, drawing, composing songs on piano
    Humor : Ohohohoho
    Diamond Member : The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 49293414d1f85_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934bb513dc_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934a5426a4_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934156e676_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934adb18e6_f
    Mood : The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Fine
    Reputation : 5
    Points : 6622
    Registration date : 2008-09-03

    The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Empty Re: The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!!

    Post by Hokuto-chan Sat 04 Apr 2009, 09:15

    I'm sorry! Here's my story! Oh, and good job with your stories everyone! Oh, and I couldn't think of a title ^^;

    Spoiler:
    Subaru-kun
    Subaru-kun


    Gender : Female
    Virgo Pig
    Posts : 12802
    Birthday : 1995-09-02
    Age : 29
    Job/hobbies : Writing,reading, playing and listening to music, watching anime, you get the point
    Humor : Um, don't know
    Diamond Member :
    The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 49293414d1f85_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934bb513dc_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934a5426a4_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934156e676_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934adb18e6_f
    Mood : The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Dead
    Reputation : 0
    Points : 6546
    Registration date : 2008-09-05

    The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Empty Re: The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!!

    Post by Subaru-kun Sat 04 Apr 2009, 09:27

    *jaw drops* A....ma..............zing
    Hokuto-chan
    Hokuto-chan


    Gender : Female
    Virgo Rooster
    Posts : 16501
    Birthday : 1993-09-19
    Age : 31
    Job/hobbies : writing, reading, drawing, composing songs on piano
    Humor : Ohohohoho
    Diamond Member : The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 49293414d1f85_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934bb513dc_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934a5426a4_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934156e676_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934adb18e6_f
    Mood : The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Fine
    Reputation : 5
    Points : 6622
    Registration date : 2008-09-03

    The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Empty Re: The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!!

    Post by Hokuto-chan Sat 04 Apr 2009, 09:40

    Are we talking about your story or mine? 'Cause yours was pretty good *claps*
    Kyoki
    Kyoki


    Gender : Female
    Sagittarius Buffalo
    Posts : 8767
    Birthday : 1985-12-02
    Age : 38
    Job/hobbies : watching anime, reading manga, playing video games
    Humor : Eh?
    Gold Member :
    The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934a5426a4_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934156e676_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934adb18e6_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 4929348528fe4_f
    Mood : The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 In_love
    Reputation : 3
    Points : 7018
    Registration date : 2008-11-11

    The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Empty Re: The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!!

    Post by Kyoki Sat 04 Apr 2009, 09:44

    Hokuto-chan! Yours was really awesome! ^_^
    Invisible_Writer
    Invisible_Writer


    Gender : Female
    Scorpio Dog
    Posts : 3705
    Birthday : 1994-11-09
    Age : 30
    Job/hobbies : Writing, drawing, reading, all that good stuff
    Humor : muahahahahahaha xD
    Gold Member :
    The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934a5426a4_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934156e676_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934adb18e6_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 4929348528fe4_f
    Mood : The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Happy
    Reputation : 0
    Points : 5934
    Registration date : 2008-10-02

    The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Empty Re: The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!!

    Post by Invisible_Writer Sun 05 Apr 2009, 12:49

    Ah, Smile For Me-san extended the contest another two days, but because of confusion and timezones and my own incompetence, I don't know if I made it in time or not >.< But I finally finished my story so I decided to post it~ Smile For Me-san, you can disqualify me for lateness, it's ok XD

    Spoiler:
    Invisible_Writer
    Invisible_Writer


    Gender : Female
    Scorpio Dog
    Posts : 3705
    Birthday : 1994-11-09
    Age : 30
    Job/hobbies : Writing, drawing, reading, all that good stuff
    Humor : muahahahahahaha xD
    Gold Member :
    The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934a5426a4_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934156e676_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934adb18e6_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 4929348528fe4_f
    Mood : The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Happy
    Reputation : 0
    Points : 5934
    Registration date : 2008-10-02

    The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Empty Re: The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!!

    Post by Invisible_Writer Sun 05 Apr 2009, 12:52

    And here's Part 2 because it was too big:

    Spoiler:

    Hope you liked it! :)
    Kyoki
    Kyoki


    Gender : Female
    Sagittarius Buffalo
    Posts : 8767
    Birthday : 1985-12-02
    Age : 38
    Job/hobbies : watching anime, reading manga, playing video games
    Humor : Eh?
    Gold Member :
    The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934a5426a4_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934156e676_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934adb18e6_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 4929348528fe4_f
    Mood : The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 In_love
    Reputation : 3
    Points : 7018
    Registration date : 2008-11-11

    The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Empty Re: The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!!

    Post by Kyoki Sun 05 Apr 2009, 13:32

    That was really good! I really liked it! Poor Sara. You should write more with Sara. I wanna know what happens to her next. ^_^
    Invisible_Writer
    Invisible_Writer


    Gender : Female
    Scorpio Dog
    Posts : 3705
    Birthday : 1994-11-09
    Age : 30
    Job/hobbies : Writing, drawing, reading, all that good stuff
    Humor : muahahahahahaha xD
    Gold Member :
    The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934a5426a4_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934156e676_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934adb18e6_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 4929348528fe4_f
    Mood : The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Happy
    Reputation : 0
    Points : 5934
    Registration date : 2008-10-02

    The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Empty Re: The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!!

    Post by Invisible_Writer Sun 05 Apr 2009, 14:11

    Thanks *glomps* I have random side stories about her, but not a sequel. I purposefully left it like that so you can make whatever ending you want with it :)
    Smile_For_Me
    Smile_For_Me


    Gender : Female
    Leo Cat
    Posts : 321
    Birthday : 1987-07-23
    Age : 37
    Job/hobbies : Teacher
    Humor : Anything
    Bronze Member :
    The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934adb18e6_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 4929348528fe4_f
    Mood : The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Happy
    Reputation : 2
    Points : 5961
    Registration date : 2008-11-06

    The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Empty Re: The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!!

    Post by Smile_For_Me Sun 05 Apr 2009, 14:21

    Your fine Invisi-chan, Its still the fourth for me!! hehehe.

    Now I will start reading and post my thoughts on Hokuto-chan and Invisible_Writer later on into the night.
    Invisible_Writer
    Invisible_Writer


    Gender : Female
    Scorpio Dog
    Posts : 3705
    Birthday : 1994-11-09
    Age : 30
    Job/hobbies : Writing, drawing, reading, all that good stuff
    Humor : muahahahahahaha xD
    Gold Member :
    The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934a5426a4_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934156e676_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934adb18e6_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 4929348528fe4_f
    Mood : The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Happy
    Reputation : 0
    Points : 5934
    Registration date : 2008-10-02

    The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Empty Re: The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!!

    Post by Invisible_Writer Sun 05 Apr 2009, 14:29

    That's great! *relieved* I'm glad to hear that :) Have fun reading both of ours~!
    Smile_For_Me
    Smile_For_Me


    Gender : Female
    Leo Cat
    Posts : 321
    Birthday : 1987-07-23
    Age : 37
    Job/hobbies : Teacher
    Humor : Anything
    Bronze Member :
    The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934adb18e6_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 4929348528fe4_f
    Mood : The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Happy
    Reputation : 2
    Points : 5961
    Registration date : 2008-11-06

    The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Empty Re: The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!!

    Post by Smile_For_Me Thu 16 Apr 2009, 15:43

    Alright everyone, the winners will be up in 4 days. I might even have a 3rd place after all.....because there is a tie....so 3rd place is like 2nd place.

    1st will get $60
    2nd will get $30
    3rd will get $30

    For those who do not win, please play again. THe next contest will be a free for all. Almost any story you want to write as long as its not fan fiction and have characters from other people.

    Have a nice night/day.
    Kyoki
    Kyoki


    Gender : Female
    Sagittarius Buffalo
    Posts : 8767
    Birthday : 1985-12-02
    Age : 38
    Job/hobbies : watching anime, reading manga, playing video games
    Humor : Eh?
    Gold Member :
    The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934a5426a4_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934156e676_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934adb18e6_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 4929348528fe4_f
    Mood : The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 In_love
    Reputation : 3
    Points : 7018
    Registration date : 2008-11-11

    The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Empty Re: The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!!

    Post by Kyoki Mon 20 Apr 2009, 15:36

    Oh! I'm so nervous! XD
    Smile_For_Me
    Smile_For_Me


    Gender : Female
    Leo Cat
    Posts : 321
    Birthday : 1987-07-23
    Age : 37
    Job/hobbies : Teacher
    Humor : Anything
    Bronze Member :
    The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934adb18e6_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 4929348528fe4_f
    Mood : The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Happy
    Reputation : 2
    Points : 5961
    Registration date : 2008-11-06

    The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Empty Re: The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!!

    Post by Smile_For_Me Mon 20 Apr 2009, 16:54

    Hokuto-chan, your story had a very dark ending. Its also left out in the opening for on to wonder, “what happens next?” Will the heartbroken angel meet her love in the afterlife, or will they be forever alone. Did the earth end for real, or was it just ending for both people. That, is what I get from it.

    I will admit, I was confused at first, and had to read it twice to get the flow of the story…(I think its because of the way my computer is?) But towards the end, not counting the number’s part (Which I found written rather nicely) It started to come together. You did have a lot of repeating of the story, but that was also for the effect for the story, to show the longing of the winged being to return to the human world, even if it was for a short time to see the one she loves.

    For this story, it’s a 3rd person view. This is a rather different lead to it, as in, there is just one more character, rather then the angel and her love. I felt there was another character, the one speaking of the angel’s plight. Then it moves to 1st person with the angel talking to herself, as the time ticks down.

    Thanks for playing the game,

    Work on spacing out more, it may give you more idea’s in between. Also, don’t be afraid to make a story longer to flesh out the characters. It makes a better connection and emotional bond with the people in the story to make the heart strings pull.


    Wow…Invisible_Writer…that was heart wrenching. Its true, people do live like that. In a way, I feel that Sara and Jeremiah did have a happy ending, at least, happy for them to be together. That is what I feel for Sara’s views, to stay with her cat. It makes you wonder if Sara and her cat will get a true happy ending. In such a short story, you got many interacting characters and scenes, that all worked together. Be it, some of the story felt rushed.

    I love the interaction between the homeless girl and her beloved kitten. As well as how the homeless girl see’s herself in the cat. One wonders if she to was orphaned by her parents passing away, or if she ran away. The story flows, in her view. 1st person narrative, visual and emotional. When Sophie came into the picture and named the home-less girl “Sara”, and later had a fight with her mother, made me feel like Sophie wanted to place “Sara”, as a lost sibling.

    I found the story rushed, as said before, and I was confused near the end, when the secretary said “I’m sorry.” I wasn’t to sure if she was talking about Sara’s situation, or that she could not bring a pet with her in the shelter.

    Thank you for entering..

    This story was great, but still needed a little more fixing. Don’t rush on things, but don’t procrastinate either. It can make a story a mess sometimes, then again it can be the hidden talent you wanted to push you foward.
    Smile_For_Me
    Smile_For_Me


    Gender : Female
    Leo Cat
    Posts : 321
    Birthday : 1987-07-23
    Age : 37
    Job/hobbies : Teacher
    Humor : Anything
    Bronze Member :
    The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934adb18e6_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 4929348528fe4_f
    Mood : The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Happy
    Reputation : 2
    Points : 5961
    Registration date : 2008-11-06

    The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Empty Re: The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!!

    Post by Smile_For_Me Mon 20 Apr 2009, 17:19

    And the winners are…of Possible 25 points. (5 points per section like “Story” “Character development” “Emotion” “Spelling and Grammar” and “Other” .Like if the story was good, 5 points, if the character was so so 2 points)

    Reflection--1st place----
    Points given: 23
    Story: 5
    Character Development: 4
    Emotion: 5
    Spelling and Grammar: 4
    Other: 5

    Invisible_Writer--2nd place
    Points given: 19
    Story: 4
    Character Development: 3
    Emotion: 3
    Spelling and Grammar: 4
    Other: 5

    Kyoki--3rd place
    Points given: 19
    Story: 5
    Character Development: 3
    Emotion: 4
    Spelling and Grammar: 3
    Other: 4

    Subaru-chan 4th place
    Points given: 16
    Story: 4
    Character Development: 3
    Emotion: 4
    Spelling and Grammar: 2
    Other: 3

    Hokuto-chan--5th place
    Points given: 16
    Story: 3
    Character Development: 3
    Emotion: 3
    Spelling and Grammar: 4
    Other: 3

    Sorry Hokuto-chan and Subaru-chan, try again next time. I am sure will have improved on your writing skills. Please don’t let the grading system bring you down. (You two did tie)

    Now for with winners. Please go the www.animecastle.com, Find the items you want, copy and paste the links to a PM. There I will be asking for your address. For what I will be doing is ordering the items to my house, then I’d mail them off to you three.

    Reflection gets $60 dollars
    Invisible_Writer gets $30 dollars
    Kyoki gets $30 dollars

    Have fun shopping.
    Subaru-kun
    Subaru-kun


    Gender : Female
    Virgo Pig
    Posts : 12802
    Birthday : 1995-09-02
    Age : 29
    Job/hobbies : Writing,reading, playing and listening to music, watching anime, you get the point
    Humor : Um, don't know
    Diamond Member :
    The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 49293414d1f85_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934bb513dc_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934a5426a4_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934156e676_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934adb18e6_f
    Mood : The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Dead
    Reputation : 0
    Points : 6546
    Registration date : 2008-09-05

    The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Empty Re: The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!!

    Post by Subaru-kun Mon 20 Apr 2009, 19:17

    ^.^ Congrats guys! You definately deserve it!
    Invisible_Writer
    Invisible_Writer


    Gender : Female
    Scorpio Dog
    Posts : 3705
    Birthday : 1994-11-09
    Age : 30
    Job/hobbies : Writing, drawing, reading, all that good stuff
    Humor : muahahahahahaha xD
    Gold Member :
    The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934a5426a4_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934156e676_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934adb18e6_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 4929348528fe4_f
    Mood : The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Happy
    Reputation : 0
    Points : 5934
    Registration date : 2008-10-02

    The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Empty Re: The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!!

    Post by Invisible_Writer Tue 21 Apr 2009, 01:15

    HOLY CRAP! I actually got second place?! :D exicited Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you so much!!!! This is the first time I've won something! Oh my goodness, I can't believe it!!! AHHHH THANK YOU <3 *is too frazzled and happy to be coherent*

    But congratulations to everyone else too! Your stories were wonderful~ :D
    Kyoki
    Kyoki


    Gender : Female
    Sagittarius Buffalo
    Posts : 8767
    Birthday : 1985-12-02
    Age : 38
    Job/hobbies : watching anime, reading manga, playing video games
    Humor : Eh?
    Gold Member :
    The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934a5426a4_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934156e676_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934adb18e6_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 4929348528fe4_f
    Mood : The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 In_love
    Reputation : 3
    Points : 7018
    Registration date : 2008-11-11

    The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Empty Re: The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!!

    Post by Kyoki Tue 21 Apr 2009, 02:22

    OH! I have never won anything either! I'm in shock... I really am... Thank you so much! Congratulations to everyone else too! Whee!
    Smile_For_Me
    Smile_For_Me


    Gender : Female
    Leo Cat
    Posts : 321
    Birthday : 1987-07-23
    Age : 37
    Job/hobbies : Teacher
    Humor : Anything
    Bronze Member :
    The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934adb18e6_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 4929348528fe4_f
    Mood : The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Happy
    Reputation : 2
    Points : 5961
    Registration date : 2008-11-06

    The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Empty Re: The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!!

    Post by Smile_For_Me Tue 21 Apr 2009, 04:29

    Well I'm glad everyone is happy. Can't wait to see Reflection's reaction..hehehe...

    Well thank you for playing. Look forward for the Summer Contest. Its a free for all short story. But one rule, no fan fiction. This story is to test your mind, and see how far you have improved from this story to the next.

    Have fun, and keep on writing your dreams.
    Kyoki
    Kyoki


    Gender : Female
    Sagittarius Buffalo
    Posts : 8767
    Birthday : 1985-12-02
    Age : 38
    Job/hobbies : watching anime, reading manga, playing video games
    Humor : Eh?
    Gold Member :
    The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934a5426a4_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934156e676_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934adb18e6_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 4929348528fe4_f
    Mood : The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 In_love
    Reputation : 3
    Points : 7018
    Registration date : 2008-11-11

    The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Empty Re: The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!!

    Post by Kyoki Tue 21 Apr 2009, 04:36

    Hehe, I totally can't wait to see her reaction either. xD

    Yay! I can't wait for the summer one!
    Hokuto-chan
    Hokuto-chan


    Gender : Female
    Virgo Rooster
    Posts : 16501
    Birthday : 1993-09-19
    Age : 31
    Job/hobbies : writing, reading, drawing, composing songs on piano
    Humor : Ohohohoho
    Diamond Member : The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 49293414d1f85_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934bb513dc_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934a5426a4_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934156e676_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934adb18e6_f
    Mood : The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Fine
    Reputation : 5
    Points : 6622
    Registration date : 2008-09-03

    The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Empty Re: The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!!

    Post by Hokuto-chan Tue 21 Apr 2009, 05:21

    Oh congrats everyone.
    Subaru-kun
    Subaru-kun


    Gender : Female
    Virgo Pig
    Posts : 12802
    Birthday : 1995-09-02
    Age : 29
    Job/hobbies : Writing,reading, playing and listening to music, watching anime, you get the point
    Humor : Um, don't know
    Diamond Member :
    The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 49293414d1f85_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934bb513dc_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934a5426a4_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934156e676_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934adb18e6_f
    Mood : The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Dead
    Reputation : 0
    Points : 6546
    Registration date : 2008-09-05

    The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Empty Re: The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!!

    Post by Subaru-kun Tue 21 Apr 2009, 06:16

    yes! Summer one shall be interesting ^.^
    Kyoki
    Kyoki


    Gender : Female
    Sagittarius Buffalo
    Posts : 8767
    Birthday : 1985-12-02
    Age : 38
    Job/hobbies : watching anime, reading manga, playing video games
    Humor : Eh?
    Gold Member :
    The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934a5426a4_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934156e676_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934adb18e6_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 4929348528fe4_f
    Mood : The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 In_love
    Reputation : 3
    Points : 7018
    Registration date : 2008-11-11

    The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Empty Re: The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!!

    Post by Kyoki Tue 21 Apr 2009, 07:28

    It shall. I so can't wait for that one. ^-^
    Reflection
    Reflection


    Gender : Female
    Aquarius Rooster
    Posts : 358
    Birthday : 1993-02-16
    Age : 31
    Job/hobbies : Music, graphics, religion, writing
    Humor : tehe~
    Bronze Member :
    The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 492934adb18e6_f The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 4929348528fe4_f
    Mood : The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Froggy
    Reputation : 4
    Points : 5974
    Registration date : 2009-01-01

    The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Empty Re: The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!!

    Post by Reflection Tue 21 Apr 2009, 09:31

    HOLY AKJfioewjafigejaoksO!!o~o~KOFKDSSADG;LFHJIJDFWSa:

    AHHH!!!


    exicited exicited exicited exicited exicited exicited exicited exicited exicited


    i love you all right now.

    ;w;


    love-laugh 3 The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 556183 rofl hug

    /emotional breakdown

    this is definitely not what i expected today, i was so tired and had a ton of testing at school... ahh!!! <33333333333 THANK YOUUUU!!


    Last edited by Reflection on Tue 21 Apr 2009, 09:32; edited 1 time in total

    Sponsored content


    The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!! - Page 2 Empty Re: The Short Story Game: The 5 word game to play for those creative writers!!

    Post by Sponsored content


      Current date/time is Fri 22 Nov 2024, 12:12