Fay Chao's Journal of Distruction

First Stand Against Master
What right do you have to claim my existance? Do you really think you can own somthing that has it's own will? Why am I your only target for harassment? You always claim to be the reason I am here in the first place, but I never asked to be! You've exiled me to this cold, dark, tormenting place and only call me back when it's convinient for you and expect me not to think of all the things you've done prior to. You may have created me but that doesn't mean you can control me. Am I not living? Do I not feel? The pain seems real enough to me. Does my existance mean nothing to you? I only asked for one simple thing. I guess it was too hard for you to understand it. I tried to work throught the torture and pain I wanted to please you but I can no longer take it. You were right when you said that I'll have no place to go but I don't care anymore at this point. Anywhere ANYWHERE is better than staying here!

Spoiler:

A bit dark aren't you? You're not even like that in school!

im too good at acting ok so no one ever sees that side of me in person

A Monster
Now I realize so much has changed about me. I no longer bare the innocent esence of a child. All the things I've done now haunt me bringing back the darkness that clouded my mind. Soaked in the crimson of my predetermined fate that I now force myself to accept instead of fighting it in vain. I am the monster that lurks in every ally waiting for defensless victim, to guide their poor ususpecting soul to another life. All who cross my path in this state must be taken. I've looked for redemption for my sins but nothing I can save me from what I have become. No amount of chains can keep me from unleashing the demon sealed within me that thirsts for the death of all life. Though I cannot claim myself innocent to it because I thirst for the misfortune of many other, and I have not just see it useless to amplify the possibility of causing many more victims in my struggles. I no longer know who I am besides, a hazard, a monster, a demon, a curse, an outsider amongst this world I was born into by the "natural" means.

Spoiler:

(BTW questions and comments are more than welcome

Very interesting. :)

Arigathou Gozaimasu (Thank you)

I didn't post last time because I had to go.

Will there be another short chapter story soon? Because it has a nice flow, even if it can be made a little bit cleaner.(Organized is the word, its a rather good story) But don't change what you feel is right for you.

I hope to get to read more of your stories, and get to know you more. Talk to you later.

honestly my journal post are the feeling of the character form a book i was writting It's nice to know that ppl like them and it inspires me to keep writting

Pain
Pain is not caused by the wounds inflicted but the scars left behind after the wounds "heal." Pain is not just physical damage so even if there no visible marks a scar is always left behind. Those who deny it have forced themselves to forget or refuse to allow themselves to be open to that sort of weakness to be exploited. No matter what these marks are permanent and will not be removed by any means. Many keep these well hidden and those who do can never fully open up and trust anyone, they will always harbor distrust, fear, hatred, or a combination of these things towards the source of their pain. It's hard to trust anyone who discovers their weakness using it against them.

Spoiler:

Cool! :) I can't wait for more.

thanks ill work really hard to keep it going

Your welcome! :D

Hidden
It seems the world expects a sort of estacy in me as if the wrong that has been done and that continues to be done is right. But I know with everything in me it is not. So I stealthly rebel against it trying to steal myself up for the up coming revolution. Survival is of utter importance as I gauge my strength to fight and turn this world around then lead it later to truth, that is my true goal. I take the pain and burry it deeply within though it seems the scars tell too much. I wonder if I'm hidding it all well so I try harder to hide everything behind anger or false happyness. But at some point I end up reaching my breaking point and the more I'm pressured the more I crack. I'm pushed to the near limit before I realize that I have hidden my pain so deep that even I don't know the cause. Finally it's too much for me, being strong takes too much strength so I shatter. The shell I put around myself no longer holds under its max stress. I don't blame anyone but myself I can now create another with strength ten fold and learn to keep building and not shatter no matter what my limits are. I refuse weakness to conquer.

Spoiler:

sugoi Fay-chan

Thanks I thought for sure this one was a bit much

*shakes head furiously*

Cool!

Thanks

Your welcome. :)

What does this mean?
For this one that is so full of hatred, it's hard for this one to see the good in existance.
Many things this one has found beautiful but rage returns when those things are distroyed. These things that brought peace lose their effect on this one or are taken away ... so it seems. This one knows that it is terrible to hate and destroy but it is nature and is impossible... to change. Even still there's no harm in this one trying. So this one seeks solitude in the darkness, afraid the light will expose too much but the silence of being alone leaves this one to be tormented by the voices of the past. Being alone is the only solution to keep from becoming close to anyone and end up hurting them. Humble and longing to be better but the inability to go against the constant way this one has lived makes change impossible. How is it that no matter how one tries the change for better can never be completely? So this one will bare minimal company with detechment, become surrounded by darkness, and fade from the world taking hatred and chaos in to the abyss. Can it really be so hard to find the meaning of this one's nature of turmoil?

Spoiler:

That is very cool! I can't wait for there to be more! XD

AWESOME
(I spelled it rite that time) lol

LOL!!!!

Love
Something some have never experienced and fear we never will.
Life for some and death for others both eternal and temporary. Depends greatly upon one's state of mind. Those it disgusts can't bare the thought for the pain of the openings it has left behind. Fear of it is natural and wounds my never heal. Along with the pain comes hatred for some and others death physical, mental, emotional or a combination of the three. Those who look down on them as poor unfortunates will never understand. Even those who have never experienced this may still fear for the corruption it brings. Many will try to explain that it is not true love that causes one to hurt but for those new to this how is one to tell? Mainly the lucky and those that have been through it all may have the slightest idea but nothing is for certain. What then for those who no longer want to feel pain? A life of solitude? Darkness? Death? The choice is theirs only. One may think this pathetic but one cannot judge another everyone is affected differently. The reactinon of one depends on their own past and feelings those strong inside and out may crumble under the right amount of pressure. NONE can judge them for not being able to contain their emotions. It's safer to express them but no one can judge if you don't.

Spoiler:

Wow thats really deep.